"For when I am weak, then I am strong"

I know, it's been awhile.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say, it's more like finding the right words to write in a way that will make sense.  So, here's my best attempt...

Since our miscarriage i've heard many comments on how i'm handling things so well and how strong I have been.  Well, it's funny because I don't feel that way at all.  I can honestly say that i'm not strong.  I have never felt so weak.  The only reason I appear to be strong is because I have to be.  What other choice do I have?  Life must go on! 

I have learned through this that only God knows what I am going through and what I am capable of.  If you had asked me the day this happened, I would have said I cannot handle this!  But, God has shown me that I can if I let him take care of me.  I have realized that my worries never weakened me to this point before.  They were issues that I thought I could handle on my own.  Now, when I am feeling weak and wonder how to make it through the day, I have to depend on God for strength.  Through all the tears and pain I know that God loves me and will lead me to happiness in his timing.

Grief pushes us to gain a better understanding of the lessons that are there for us to learn.  I may not understand why this had to happen, but I still love God for who he is.  In Job 1:21 it says this, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”  Just because God chose to take our baby away doesn't mean that he doesn't love us.  Is what you know about God big enough to handle what you don’t know in this life?

I'm not even sure if any of that made sense!  Sometimes I struggle to remember it myself.  It is so easy to stray away from the truth and to get wrapped up in the worries of this life. If you are struggling with something in your life, my hope is that this will help you in some way.  Try to depend on God for just one day.  Let go of everything and let God take control.  He can handle so much more than we can!  I will end with a verse that has been on my heart lately...

"...My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Closer to Love

Well folks, we're back!  It's hard to believe how fast five days in Florida can go.  It really was SO nice to spend time together, and the weather was absolutely beautiful.  Sunny and 90 almost every day.  I would go back in a heartbeat.  I will let the pictures tell the story...

I spent a lot of time at the beach and pool.  This is the lazy river (on the left) and the pool.  I spent a lot of time in the sun, but Chris can't stay in the sun for too long before he gets burnt.   He would join me for a little bit but then had to hit the shade.

Of course, the highlight of our trip for Christopher was when we went fishing!  That's right, we went fishing.  A lot of it was new to me because I don't have much experience with fishing, but we both enjoyed it.  Especially Chris, he loves his fish!  

We caught quite a few fish.  Chris is holding a King Mackerel that he caught, and i'm holding a Red Snapper (and there are a few on the ground behind me that we also caught).  I came really close to catching two others, a baracuda and one of which was probably 5-feet long!  I reeled and reeled and when it was close to the boat he got away.  Darn fishy!  My arms sure got a workout.  Would have been nice to see what I caught though (the captain could see them from the top but we couldn't)!

This is a picture of us taking a "break" from shopping.  I mean, I spent four hours fishing so I deserved four hours of shopping, right?  Lastly, here are a few pictures we snapped on the beach.

For those of you who remember, we were in Florida on October 15th, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day.  You can see that i'm holding a small candle here in honor of our little one and also for any other baby who has been lost. We lit our candle on the beach in memory of our baby.  It was a bittersweet moment.  


All in all, our vacation was great.  I did lots of reading and felt like I maybe moved along in my healing process a bit.  As I head back to work today it's hard to believe that it has been two months since we lost our baby.  I can't remember two months ever going by so fast.  Sometimes it all seems like a blur, but then I think to myself, maybe that's a good thing.  Our little getaway was a great reminder of how lucky I am to have such a loving husband.  I find myself falling more and more in love with him every day.  I'm so grateful for his support through all of this.  Even thought I may struggle to understand some things in life, I still have to stop and realize how blessed I am in life.  

I recently have become a good fan of Mat Kearney.  He was actually in Indy earlier this month.  Chris got me tickets for my birthday and I got to listen to him in person.  I'm not even a big concert person, but I loved it!  You may have heard his song, "Closer to Love" on the radio (it is also on my playlist on the left).  I find myself listening to it every day.  It makes me think of what we've been through and how it has drawn me closer to love... not only closer to my husband but closer to God, who knows how to love more than we will ever know. 

Here Comes The Sun...

Well, fellow blog readers, we are FloRidA BoUnD!!!

I cannot begin to tell you much I am ready for a vacation!  I have never really felt like I have needed a vacation before, until now.  Work has been really busy lately and I just feel like I need a break from everything in general.  I have felt physically and emotionally drained ever since our miscarriage, so this is our chance to get away, sort our thoughts, and relax!  I am so thankful that we have the opportunity to take some days off from work and spend some time together.   

Since I will be away from my computer on the 16th, I want to wish my Mom a very Happy Birthday!!  This time last year I was getting ready to fly to Arizona to surprise her for her birthday (my parents live in Surprise, AZ, for those of you not aware).  My dad teamed up with me and took her to Red Robin for dinner.  I was actually there waiting and snuck up to her table.  She was in shock and couldn't say anything except, "Oh my gosh!" over and over again.  I will never forget it!  Happy Birthday, Mom!  Love you!

Well, that's all for now.  I'm sure i'll have pictures to share when we return.  We are going to Ft. Lauderdale.  Our hotel is on a beach and has a lazy river (at my request).  That should keep me plenty busy until Sunday :) 

"Here comes the sun, 

here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... "

Birthday Blessings

I am blessed to share my birthday with my precious niece, Katie, who turns 9 today (just a few years younger than I'm turning, haha)!  Over the weekend my in-laws threw me a surprise birthday party.  My sister and brother-in-law joined us as well.  It was so thoughtful of all of them and I felt very loved.  Thanks guys--love you all!

Here are a couple of pictures from the weekend...

I'm hoping to see some sunshine today, so far it's a rainy day in Indy.  Hope you all have a great day!  I'm off to spend some time with my hubby before heading to work (he was very sweet and took the morning off to spend with me on my birthday)!

Remembering Our Babies

Did you know that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month?

I wanted to share a few facts with you in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Besides sharing our story with you through this blog, my hope is to help others dealing with a loss.  Even if you haven't experienced a personal loss, I think it's good to know how to be there for someone else.  Before my miscarriage, I'll admit that I didn't realize the physical, spiritual, and emotional impact it could have on you.  I just hope that maybe I can help others realize what it's like and how to either get through it themselves or how to help others.  So... look forward to blogs related to this in the future.  In the meantime, here are some facts to make YOU more aware (information from the American Pregnancy Association)

DID YOU KNOW?

* As many as 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage... that's 1 out of 4 pregnancies!!

* 75% of those miscarriages occur in the first trimester, before 12 weeks (a loss after 20 weeks is no longer considered a miscarriage, but a stillbirth)

* 670,000 women in America miscarry ever year

* Fortunately, most women who miscarry, even more than once, can become pregnant again and have a healthy baby

* Many hospitals have memorial walks or services in October in memory of lost babies.  St Francis Hospital in Beech Grove hosts a "Walk to Remember" every year in October.

* On October 15th, at 7pm your time, people all over the world are invited to light a candle in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I hope you found this helpful or informational in some way.  If you would like any more information, visit http://www.october15th.com/ or http://pregnancyloss.info/.  There is a YouTube video about the Wave of Light on October 15th but I couldn't get it on my page for some reason. If you are interested just click the first link.  Chris and I will be in Florida on the 15th, but we just might have to pack a candle to light in memory of our little one.  Thanks for reading :)