Sunshine and Rain

Chris and I were lucky enough to get away last week as we headed to Arizona to visit my parents.  It was great to see my mom and dad, especially since it had been almost a year since we had seen each other!  Here are some pictures:

A little burst of sunshine over the White Tank Mountains

Hiking in the mountains on a gorgeous day

Taking some pictures out back by the pool (it was still too cold to swim in though)

We had tickets to the White Sox vs. Cubs game on Sunday, but unfortunately it rained ALL day and the game was canceled.  Hence, the umbrella and sad faces in front of the White Sox spring training field... and to make Chris' day worse, we spent the rest of the day shopping :) 

We had a great time visiting and did lots of sight-seeing, shopping, and of course found time to relax.  We both have been pretty busy lately with work and having our bathroom remodeled due to a leak we discovered in December.  So, it was nice to get away for a bit and enjoy some sunshine (and rain) together.  

On another note, as I kind of anticipated, March has been hard.  My due date was March 15th, and I find myself constantly thinking about how things would have been right now had things gone a little bit different 6 months ago.  I know some may think I should be "over it" by now.  In fact, I was kind of hurt by someone who made a comment similar to this.  However, I read a quote recently and it hit the spot:"If you haven't been where i'm coming from, then you don't know where i've been".  I think this is SO true, especially for me.  It's easy to imagine what it would be like.  Maybe you would brush it off and go about your day, or maybe you think it would be the hardest thing ever.  Maybe it brings you to tears just thinking about it.  Whatever your reaction, in my opinion, it's something you can't really grasp until you are faced with it.  I remember thinking "what if" before I miscarried, and somehow thought I had myself prepared for the worst.  But, nothing prepares you for something like this.  Nothing.  It is just something you have to get through as you grieve.  

We are all different, but for me, it takes a lot of help from my spouse, a few understanding loved ones, and much more help from God.  Just because I have depended on God throughout this doesn't mean that it has been easy.  Here is another quote from a book that I recently read about miscarriage/infertility,

 “Healing, I’ve learned, is hidden work.  It’s the touch of God on the tender, raw places of your soul.  It’s something you don’t feel all at once, something you can’t see.  You don’t mark that day on a calendar.  You just look back over the weeks and months and realize you don’t hurt the way you used to.”

God has been working on my heart lately but He still has some work to do :)  If you read this and think of me on Monday, please say a prayer for me.  We miss our baby every day and still think about him/her all the time.  Our little Logan will be on our minds more than ever on that day.  Even though he/she went to heaven months ago, this could have been the day our baby was born into this world.  The day we would celebrate every year for the rest of our lives.  We will still never forget this date, and will celebrate in a bittersweet way, every year. 

"There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go."  Author unknown

 "Be still, and know that I am God."  

~Psalm 46:10~